Thoughts

I really don't like this month. I have mentioned that before.  I try really hard to get through each day.  I have also realized that when I am home consistently, meaning not at work, I tend to hate it more.  Tears have flowed (is that correct English?) almost daily.  I am excited for Tuesday because I get to read all the kind things people will be doing for others, however I hate it because it just marks another year without Ethan.

As I wasn't sleeping last night, I kept seeing one picture in my head of his funeral.  At the viewing beforehand we were all allowed to go up to the casket and say one last goodbye.  My heart broke in pieces as I watched Parker walk up and cry.  He cried and stared, stared and cried.  I don't think he really knew what to think, but that was the last time he would see his brother for a while.  Picturing this in the night last night brought tears again for a little boy who doesn't have his brother on earth with him.  Despite how much Parker teased Ethan, they loved playing!  I mentioned it a million times, but had to share this moment because it was heart-wrenching.  I can see it as I type.  Parker looking and looking and not really wanting the time to say goodbye to be over.

It does get a little easier, but it's still no fun.

On to a funnier thought I need to share in regards to Madilyn.  At dinner last week she and I were eating together.  Marcus and Parker had been in Florida for a week, so this comment came out of nowhere.  She leaned over and said, "Mom, there are two things I hate."  I responded, "What are those, Baby Girl?"  She said, "When Parker teases me and THESE!"  She was holding out the purple onion that was in the taco salad.  "Wow! If those are the only two things you hate, pick out the onions and I will talk with Parker."  I did talk with Parker when he got home.  He laughed so hard.  Cute little moment.