My Story

Okay, before I get into "My Story" I would like to share my weekend project.  I only had two days to do this.  I was going to use the 10 days my husband was supposed to be out of town, but my husband surprised me with an early return.  Luckily, he told me about his early return before he left, so I devoted Friday and Saturday to a new room for him.  Between yard sales and gift cards, I only spent around $50.  I love that!

Before

Before

After.  I love the yellow.  I am still missing what is going above the bed...ran out of time.

After.  I love the pictures.  I spent a while working on these and Airan helped finish them. Thanks Airan!  Notice the fan.  Yep, we spray painted it.  It was a 1980's fan, so we made it black.   It looks much better.
Marcus loved it!  Happy Birthday!

 I do need to mention Ethan also had an oreo party and a water balloon fight at Camie's over the weekend.  This is mainly for my recollection later.  But, literally, I think it was a good thing I was out of town so he had those great last days.  There are more details I am missing, I am sure.  I am just happy to know he was happy.

(This is a long one)

This MONDAY last year was Monday, March 21, 2011 was THE morning.  We had gone to bed around 11:00 pm after my return from New York City.  At 1:30 am Ethan moaned.  I thought he was having a nightmare.  I went in to him and rubbed his head until he went back to sleep.  All was good, or so I thought.  At 3:16 (I had looked at my phone because of my tired state) Ethan had moaned again.  I was getting irritated because of my lack of sleep and tried to yell his name from  my room so he would wake up.  He just kept moaning.  It's a little weird I heard him because it wasn't loud at all.  I went into him to calm him down from the nightmare I thought he was having.  He was kneeling on his bed holding his head.  He said, "I have a headache.  I NEEEED a drink of water."  I went right to the kitchen and grabbed a glass of water and some motrin.  When I walked back into the room he was rolling around on the floor holding his head and said, "It hurts too bad to drink the water."  I cradled him in my arms and tried to help him drink the water.  He gagged on the water, convulsed a little and passed out.  I screamed "Ettthhannn!"  The screaming didn't help.  But, in that moment I knew I needed to get him to the hospital. 

I was pregnant and trying to carry the dead weight of a 7 year old to the car.  It wasn't easy, but after stopping to get my phone in my room I made it to the car.  Once at the car, a few things went through my head.  Madilyn was in the house still.  What to do??  I also had remembered a story in that moment a friend (Erin) had told me years before.  I think I was told this story before Ethan was even born.  It was just about someone who had lost their daughter, and in the end they wished they had called the ambulance so someone could've been working on her the whole time.  I knew immediately I needed to call rather than get him to the hospital by myself.  I called 911.  By this time, Ethan was wheezing.  He was breathing, but a wheezing type of breath.  I gave all my information, we made sure his airways were clear, and then I told the operator I would be okay until the ambulance got there.  She told me to call back if anything changed.  About 2 seconds later fluid started to come out of his nose!  I dialed 911 back and asked, "Where is the ambulance??!!??"  It was right there when I looked up, pulling around the corner.

Those first responders came right up to Ethan, who was laying on the ground.  It must've looked weird.  They kept asking me if he had asthma.  What??  No!  He had a headache! That's all I kept saying.  They got him into the ambulance and asked if I was  coming with them.  I told them I couldn't because I had a daughter in the house, so I would meet them there.  I asked which hospital they were going to.  I went back into the house to get Madilyn and realized I needed to call Marcus.  I looked at my phone to see how much time had expired at this point.  Ethan woke up at 3:16 and it was only 3:25.  Amazing.  It felt like it had been an eternity.

Marcus was in North Carolina on his way to Florida when he got my call.  He knew it was 3 hours behind and couldn't figure out why I was calling.  I didn't get a 'hello', I got "Is everything okay?"  I answered, "No, Ethan is on the way to the hospital.  He is not responding.  I don't know what the problem is.  He woke up with a headache."  I had to go, I would call him when I got to the hospital.

I went to the car.  I was going to start it and then get Madilyn in it.  Well, the car wouldn't start!  I dialed the Halls who live around the corner.  They are the closest neighbors and I could dial their number by heart and not have to search it on my phone.  In my state I had accidentally dialed 411 TWICE before I actually dialed 911.  AHH!  So, the search on my phone wasn't going to work for me.  They answered. Yes.  They would come get me and take me to the hospital.

I went back in the house to get Madilyn and called Marcus back. I told him I needed someone to come and give Ethan a blessing (a special prayer given by a priesthood holder in the church for the healing of the sick).  He was on it!

Julia Hall showed up and we headed to the hospital.  Marcus had just called their house for Coltin to give Ethan a blessing (.  We would call Coltin once we got to the hospital.  Those Halls got all the calls.  Sorry.

The ambulance had taken Ethan to the hospital right by our house.  Literally, it is about 5 miles away.  They were taking him there because it was the closest.  I walked into the emergency room.  Right away after telling them who I was there for I could tell it was serious.  I have never had an ER treat me the way I was being treated.  They got me a chair, a glass of water, and snacks.  I saw the doctor and said, "Is he all right?"  In my mind, once I got my little guy to the hospital, everything would be okay.  Isn't that how it works?  We do all we can and the doctors will figure it out.  I had been quite calm to this point thinking I would get there and then we'd know the problem.  The doctor answered, "He is in critical condition, ma'am."  I responded with a question, "Critical condition?  What do you mean?  How?"  She said, "Anyone who is not breathing on their own is considered in critical condition."  Again I had a question, "He's not breathing on his own?"  I think things started to become blurry around this time.  The doctor then asked about asthma, AGAIN!  No, he woke up with a headache!  I remember her turning to the nurse beside her and ordering an immediate CAT Scan. 

Time is blurred and some of the next few events I can't be sure of the order.  Because of the questions the EMTs and doctors were asking I had to call Cynthia and Camie to see if he had eaten anything funny.  I also had to call back and find out if he had hit his head at all while I was gone. The doctors had told me the CAT scan revealed a "devestating bleed".  The cops also showed up and had to question me, Cynthia and Camie.  Cynthia was at the hospital by this point.  They had to rule out any child abuse or accident.  Because, until they did surgery they wouldn't know what the cause was.

I remember sitting in the waiting room with Julia.  She said she and Madilyn had just prayed.  They had prayed that Jesus Christ would be with Ethan through this time.  For some reason, once she had said that, I KNEW it was Ethan's time to return home to his Heavenly Father.  I didn't want to lose hope though, so I didn't mention this to anyone yet.  I did call Marcus and tell him the events of the morning.  By this time, it was probably my 5th call to him and I told him he needed to get home.  He was already working on it.

My bishopric (this is the Bishop--like a pastor--in charge of our ward, and his two counselors--two men who are his "right arm" in serving the ward) had shown up.  It wasn't supposed to happen that they were the ones who showed up, but Coltin Hall had called the Bishop to help with the blessing.  In the meantime, we weren't sure if the Bishop could get there in time, so I called my friend, Becky, to see if she could send her husband.  They all just happened to be the bishopric.  They were all there with me ready to give Ethan a blessing.  They were standing with me in his room when the doctor then told me, "The surgeon looked at the CAT scan and wants me to tell you that with the severity of the bleed, your son will die or he will not be the same again." I just remember my Bishop's arm going around me--kinda holding me up. I also remember that the only thing coming out of my mouth this morning was, "Okay."  I am the type that wants ALL the information before I breakdown.  So, so far they couldn't tell me for sure if he was going to die, so I wasn't going to freak out quite yet.  I just said "Okay."

The Bishopric did give Ethan a blessing after I had to explain to the nursing staff what they needed to do.  I had said, "They need to give him a blessing." They responded with, "I think they've been doing that the whole time."  I had to explain they needed to place their hands on his head for this special blessing.  Once this was explained, I finally got the blessing I had been waiting for.

My sister and my sister-in-law, Julie were with me at the hospital.  Julia was still there too.  Cynthia was keeping my family informed and Julie was keeping her family informed (Marcus' side).  I don't think Julia had her phone, so for the time being our ward wasn't being too informed.  I had text my school and told them I wouldn't make it in that day??  Really? Just that day??? I'm a freak. On my way to the hospital I was still thinking I might make it to work on time.  Where do I get that freakiness??  Mom? Dad?

The doctors had told me they needed to life-flight Ethan to Cardon Children's Hospital where the surgeon was waiting.  The surgeon was telling them to hurry.  I couldn't understand how SLOW they were doing things.  I am pretty sure they were just trying to do their job right and not make mistakes.  Although at the time I just wanted them to run around doing things!!  They were going to let me ride in the helicopter with them.  Yay!  But, as I was walking out the EMT said, "are you okay?"  I said, "NO."  NO?  I thought I was fine.  But, "NO" came out.  She said it would be better for them if I wasn't there because they couldn't have any problems with me if something went wrong with him.  I opted to ride with Cynthia to Cardon's.  We would meet Julie there.  Julia would take Madilyn home with her for the rest of the day.

The life-flight over was uneventful.  However, once I was there (we had beat the helicopter), I had to talk to the surgeon.  He wasn't very promising.  He said first of all, "If this was an adult, we wouldn't be having this conversation.  He is 7 and he is still fighting to breathe on his own.  That's the only reason I am operating."  It wasn't until later when I realized if he didn't operate, Ethan would've been pronounced dead on arrival.  I'm glad I didn't put that together until later.  My initial response was "Okay."  He had a ton of paperwork for me to sign.  I have no idea what I signed.  It didn't matter.  Ethan arrived. I signed all the paperwork and off he went.  (Great Doctor, horrible bedside manner). I remember watching Ethan being wheeled down the hall into surgery.  He wasn't responding too much.  I could hardly stand there and see him with all the tubes going in and out and all the people working on him.  It just was a little scary.

It wasn't until Julie, Cynthia and I made it to the waiting room (while Ethan went to surgery) when I finally broke down.  I just started crying saying, "I want my baby back!"  I knew he wasn't gone.  I just didn't want him going anywhere.  I wanted Ethan back.  I wanted to mother him, despite how crazy he was.  I wanted him to walk out of that hospital and go home with me. 

I couldn't eat.  The surgery was taking forever.  I want to say it was about 5 hours.  I was sure, at any moment, they were going to tell me he didn't make it. I really, honestly, because of the feeling I had had, didn't think he'd make it out of surgery.  Poor Marcus and Parker were flying home and calling whenever they could use their phone.  They cried all the way home.  Each time they called, I would just tell them that he was still in surgery.  By this time I had more family and friends with me. My aunt Nancy came, my mom's sister.  My mom was in Michigan, so she sent her sister, which was awesome.  George, who is married to Marcus' sister was there.  My friend, Becky and Cynthia, and Julie were also there. 

I had been talking to Marcus on the phone a lot.  We had both decided if Ethan couldn't be our crazy Ethan anymore, maybe its better if he has to pass??  I guess it wasn't a decision, just more of a question or a thought.  I just can't imagine having Ethan be stuck in a body he couldn't run around in.  He was just a running, crazy little person :)

Ethan made it through surgery.  However, the doctor did say they got the clot, but had to take out part of the cerebellum to help reduce swelling.  He also said that if he had seen Ethan's coagulation (sp?) report he wouldn't have operated.  I guess his blood wasn't clotting well.  So, the coagulation report was terrible and he would've chosen not to do surgery if he had realized Ethan would have this problem.  We just count that as a blessing that the report took too long to get to him.  This surgeon was one who really wanted to hurry things along.  He knew the severity of the bleed.

I was making it through the day with family and friends everywhere.  Marcus' whole family was there by afternoon/evening.  Marcus and Parker flew in by 5 pm. My aunt Cara showed up that day, and my mom made it in around the same time as Marcus.  My family was following me around trying to get me to eat.  I couldn't.  I would nibble, and when I say nibble I mean I ate a piece of granola off the granola bar.  After surgery, we were told to wait and see.  We were told it would take a few days to be able to tell anything.  So, we waited.

He was diagnosed with an arterio venous malformation which he was born with-these go undetected unless other symptoms arise.  Ethan never had any symptoms-not even a headache.  The statistics are that less than 1 percent of the population are affected by these and less than 1 percent of those affected die.  So we were hopeful.

After Marcus made it home, he was able to give Ethan a blessing.  We love these priesthood blessings.  They are a source of much comfort.  I was able to leave the hospital once Marcus was there.  I was told by family I needed to get good rest because of the pregnancy, and a bed would be better for that.   I was comfortable leaving only because he had his dad.  Marcus only left  Ethan's bedside ONCE during the whole week from this time on.  I did leave each night :)

This first night at home, right after I had picked up Madilyn, we all went into Ethan's room.  I laid down on his bed and cried.  I cried because I just knew he wouldn't be in that bed again. I cried because I already missed him.  I cried for the pain of my children.  I cried because that's all I could do.  Once I had a good cry, I realized I had made my kids cry too.  I then told them we could get through this :)
During this waiting time, an unbelievable amount of service was happening.  I'd like to name a few, but I also don't want to leave anything out.  But, the amount of food being brought in, the cleaning of my house, filling our pantry and refrigerator full (they were empty--we had been gone), getting my car a new battery--  All of these things were happening the first day??  Or they were at least started on that day.  We have never felt so loved.  When it comes down to it, we are all a family.  We love each and every one of you who are a part of our lives.  I am not sure we could've said this before, but we do.  We look for ways each day to show our love for others ever since we were shown how to during this time. 

The next few days were the "waiting time."  We have a few experiences of day we will try to share.  Its hard to remember what happened what day, but we're going to do our best.

I call this "My Story" because its how I remember the day.

Remember our Errands for Ethan day next Monday, March 26.