I have struggled all week this year. This third year seems to have been the toughest anniversary so far. I have no clue as to why that is. I just know we both have had a difficult time. I share on my blog because I like people to know how I am truly feeling. People ask me a lot, and if you catch me in public I will always say, "I am fine." But, this blog actually is the true side of this long road of grief. There are bumps and bruises all along the road, just like there are with all types of struggles. I hope I have not made this week sound like it is "all about me." It's not about me. It's not about us.
Marcus and I were talking this morning as we were both working through tears that this day is about others. We have very happy tears as we hear all the stories of "errands" today, and we have sad tears because it is a sad memory of watching our son leave this earth. But, in the end, we want others to feel of the giving and others to feel the joy of receiving. This does help this day become bearable. As we do our acts of service, we do forget ourselves. We forget for a moment that we have this sad story and are happy to share errands with others.
I forgot myself for a short time today as my good friend invited me to go along to do some of her Errands for Ethan. It was just an hour out of the day, but a good hour. I needed this. I needed a friend to be with, and I needed to be thinking about other people and whose day we could brighten. However, I did cry in front of one lady. She quickly got past her astonishment that I was actually giving her something randomly and asked what had happened to Ethan. Most people don't seem to know how to respond to having something given to them, but she did. She ended up hugging me and crying herself. This was, of course, after she had stared at the gift certificate for QT and said "You're asking for money is that it?" I responded, "No, I am giving it to you in memory of my son." That's when it clicked on for her. Thanks for the hour today, Becky!
This life is not all about me. It's about all of us being the best we can be. I live each day knowing I will see Ethan again and knowing I can live with my Heavenly Father again. I live by thinking and helping others as much as I can. I am not the best at this. But, honestly I try. I want to serve so I can suffer less (our good Bishop says this). I want to serve so I remember it is not all about me, and I can help others feel better. I do not have a raw deal. I have a wonderful, beautiful life that has handed me a few trials. These trials I have literally been carried through. I hope in a small way I can return to others what I have felt.
Absolutely beautiful!
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