To Ethan

To my dear, sweet Ethan –

                I love writing to you as if you were here, physically with us.  I cannot believe you would be eleven today!  I can just imagine how happy you would be to be bigger!  I know how much you wanted to grow up and be big, just like your brother.  I can imagine your big body jumping for joy and knowing you get to continue growing.  It’s hard to imagine you as a big boy.  You were so little when you left.  I thought you were big.  But, as I look at 2^nd graders now I can’t believe how small you were.  You seemed so grown up at the time. 

                We talked about you a lot this weekend when we got together as a family.  We miss how you were so determined to do whatever you wanted.  We miss how you played so well with your little cousins.  They would love if you were around to play with them.  You never cared that they were so little.  You just wanted to make them happy.  I know Brady would love to be rough and tumble with you.  He is a little bit crazy like you were.  He also has a little bit of a naughty look like you had.

                I know as you are in Heaven waiting for us you can be with us.  I know your time is so fast and you know you will see us soon.  Just know in our human brains time feels like forever, and it seems so long before we can see you again.  I know this was part of our earthly plan.  Heavenly Father has a plan for each one of us.  You were special.  You had a special plan.  I know your plan effects ours, and we all agreed we would do it.  We were together before we were born and we will meet again.  I know Jesus Christ overcame physical death to make this possible.  How grateful I am for that.

                I am grateful for the knowledge that we are an eternal family.  These bonds last forever.  I know you know this.  Daddy and I were married for eternity so we can be together forever.  One of the hardest songs I have to sing is Families Can Be Together Forever.  It makes me cry every time.  I can still hardly attend primary without crying and remembering you in there.  I can hardly make it through a sacrament song without crying.  I know this is because I can feel the truth of what I am singing.

                Thank you for being our boy.  Thank you for helping us with our testimonies as we have struggled through losing you—or being parted with you for a while.

                You are the best boy!  We love you so much.  I hope you know that.  I hope you know we tried so hard to be the best parents we could.  We made mistakes, but we loved you through those mistakes.  We just wish we could cuddle you on your special day.  What I wouldn’t  give to have a hug from you as you turn 11.  I can hardly imagine any more.  As time continues to go by, the memories get further away, but they are still very real.

                We love you!  I love you!  I love being your mom.  I love being a mom.  I am so blessed to have you in our family.  Until we meet again sweet one..

Love,

Mom