I shouldn't use the word 'hate'

I really shouldn't use the word 'hate'.  It is a strong word. 

However, after spending the weekend near my sister, to help in any way I could during the funeral time for her mother-in-law, I was a bit emotional.  I had the chance to visit Ethan's grave because he is buried in the same cemetery that my sister's mother-in-law was buried.  This visit, of course, always brings up emotions I haven't had for a while.

Then, I arrived home from the funeral about one hour before I had to be at my children's Spring Sing Concert.  I (this is where I use the word) hate Spring Sing.  It wasn't my favorite before Ethan died, but since, it is DEFINITELY not a favorite.  It is so hard to see all of Ethan's old friends growing up. (doesn't seem fair) And, its hard to see ALL those hundreds of children that still get to be here with their parents! (doesn't seem right)  I struggled with emotions all night.

I have realized over the past year, that these emotions come and then I just get mad.  I start out sad, then get mad, then just become a bit cranky.  (If I'm tired, its worse--I'm a Spittle)  Its a roller coaster each time, and I have a hard time managing it and realizing that is why I am so cranky.  My husband is awesome and just tries to help me where he can.  Luckily, these emotional roller coasters just last as short periods of time.  Last night I just had to go to bed and sleep as long as I could so that hopefully today will be a new and better day.  There's always hope.

This is where I need to go do something for someone else....that always helps!