The Dress

This is my funeral dress.

I titled this "the dress," but this post doesn't have much to do with the dress.  It is really what the dress represents.

After living in the same house for 13 years, bringing all our babies home to that house and saying goodbye to our child in that house, we moved.  We did it.  I told myself that would never happen.  I have now added this to a long list of things I would "never do" and have done.  I didn't think I could do it.  I didn't think I could pick up and leave the house of so many memories and move somewhere else.  Honestly, I never wanted to. I loved my house.  I loved every little inch of that little house.  There was a lot of love in that house.  But, in the end it is just a house.

Because I may "never" be able to rid myself of this dress (keep in mind it is a maternity dress because I was 6 months pregnant when I had to where it), I packed it.  As I packed it, it really struck me that I was leaving behind so many memories. I was fighting in my mind again not to leave. It only took me a few weeks, but then I realized that I wasn't leaving behind anything.  Memories come with me.  I get to keep them.  What a gift the human mind is--to be able to cherish all the memories regardless of whether I live in that same house or not.

I know in the past I have raved about my friends in that area.  These friends literally carried me through the last few years.  I have tried over and over to express my gratitude for how they have helped me get through life.  I am not sure any of them actually understand the magnitude of what they did for me.  But, I want to say thank you again.  I love how even when I have moved they continue to keep in touch.  It will never be the same as being around the corner, but you all continue to boost me every day knowing we will be forever friends.  These friends are family to me.

The dress is just a dress.  Maybe some day I will be able to part with it.  But, for now I carry it with me as a sweet reminder of the day I publicly had to mourn my little boy.