The best of times

It was the kids' "Winter Sing" last night.  They also have a "Spring Sing" in the Spring, but I usually call both of them "Spring Sing" because there isn't much difference in the weather here.  I get confused??  Actually, I think its the sound of "Spring Sing".  I just like it better.

 Here's Madilyn.  She is, of course, in the front row (being little).  She fought me all afternoon about how she was going to look. She put on jeans and a t-shirt and thought she was good to go.  For those of you who know Madilyn well knows she always is in jeans and a t-shirt.  I explained the school rule was to "dress up"  which meant "sunday dress."  She was still convinced I was wrong and thought she was going to be the only one showing up in a dress. (This would be her worst nightmare).  I decided to call Victoria, our friend and neighbor who attends the same school.  I asked Victoria to explain to Madilyn about the rules for Winter Sing.  Victoria did a great job and Madilyn agreed to wear a dress.  After that fight I had to fight about the shoes and the hair.  However, by this point I wasn't "fighting" anymore, I was winning...meaning...she went to her room and her toys taken away until she wanted to be happy and dress like she was supposed to.  You may not all agree with my way of parenting, but it worked.  She looked quite cute in the end.

 Here is Parker.  With all of our camera issues, we used Marcus' phone and got this one of Parker at the microphone.  Unlike his sister, Parker dressed himself well.  He still continues to wear the Patriot tie he got for Ethan's funeral (Ethan is buried in an identical one).  I LOVE that Parker continues to wear it.  I asked if he wanted a Christmas tie, but he didn't.  He is just fine with the tie he has.   Parker did not fight me all afternoon, but actually had time to go to the stables with his friend, Teija.  Luckily one of my kids was playing on my team last night.

This is Madilyn again.  My friend took a cute picture of Brady and Madilyn.  I'll try to get that one on here.
I do love watching my kids on stage.  Its very fun to see them.  Parker has a constant furrowed brow, kind of like his Uncle Sean.  It makes Parker appear to be concentrating really hard. 
Madilyn just gets excited about being up there and having fun.  She is at such a fun age.
Ethan was definitely missed.  First "Winter Sing"  without him.  I hated that part.  It was so hard to see all of his friends now in the third grade and being as normal as they always have been.  Weird to think our child used to be here.
I also realized I can't sing Silent Night.  When the audience joined in with singing that song  I lost it.  I couldn't stop crying from that point on.  Unfortunately, that continued into today.
So, for the most part I think I do well.  Then, I have days like today where it seems like the whole world has moved on and I am still stuck in my state of grief.  I feel like everyone expects me to feel fine, do okay and move on.  Now, that is how I feel, yet I know it is not true.  I just wallow in my misery and it doesn't help with life.  I think days like these are needed, but happy they don't happen very often for me (at least they don't seem too often)
I actually typed this up Friday and posting it Sunday.  So, my "crying" day is in the past a couple of days. We are set to watch a bunch of Ethan videos tonight so that could bring it on again :)
Merry Christmas.  We love you all!