I can't help it

I can't help myself.  I have been blogging daily lately, and I can't stop.  I've tried getting through the day without it, but it just doesn't feel complete.  I now HAVE to write.  Strange.  I am not sure what I will continue to write about daily, but --for those who know me--I probably won't be at a loss for words. 

I was at Madilyn's t-ball game tonight because I am one of the coaches (lucky team!) and I was realizing I really wish I had spent more time enjoying all the craziness we call life.  I was always in such a hurry running kids everywhere that I, literally, didn't let myself enjoy the moments of watching the kids play their games and enjoying them.  I tried, but most of the time I was just tired. I think I really could've enjoyed those games more :)

I remembered a moment I am not sure I shared and wanted to.  When Ethan was in the hospital I have never wanted him to LOOK at me more!  He hadn't looked at me for a couple of days because he was technically "in a coma."  I remember walking into his room and in a very frustrated voice just said, "LOOK at me!  Please look at me."  Boy, do I remember those big, brown eyes.  I am not sure anyone has met mischievious eyes like those.  When it came to donating his organs, I couldn't do his eyes.  I guess I did have a selfish moment in there.  However, in that moment, its what I had to do.  I still ache to see those eyes. 

Even though I probably shouldn't continue talking daily about Ethan memories for too long, I will share when I have been thinking of one.  Its hard to have a day go by when I don't think of him.