I work part time right now. I love working. I always have enjoyed being a "professional". I really like my job. Its perfect for my personality I have decided. However, I really do miss my kids. The funniest part about that is its really only Brady I am missing because my other two would be in school anyway. I think its just when things get crazy, I like to be able to have calm around me. When I am calm, things seem to run smoother around this house. That is what I miss. I get crazier with all the things I do, yet I am happier in ways and not in others. Its a tough balance.
When Ethan died, I didn't think I would ever go back to work. But, to be honest, I get depressed staying at home. So, for my general health, I decided a couple days wouldn't hurt.
Why do I share this? I think to help my own guilt. I am a guilt-ridden person. I have guilt if I do not have things in complete control; I have guilt if I leave to go to work; I have guilt daily. I've decided to be happy and quit with the guilt---can't seem to get rid of it no matter what I do.
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