Did I ever mention that Ethan asked us once what is was like when you died? I immediately answered, "We're not going to talk about that." I never wanted to even approach the subject of death with my children because I didn't want to think they would ever need to know so soon. Not that I know what death is like because I haven't died, however I know what I believe and what I have been taught. I wish I would've taken the time to explain it to him. Let him know that its not a scary thing, and let him know the love he would feel. I know he's experienced now, but I would love to have explained it better to him while I had him with me.
I told this story to a friend one day and let her know how much I regretted not having a conversation with Ethan about it. Her daughter is the same age as Ethan. The very next day after she and I had talked about it, her daughter asked her what it was like to die. She quickly answered, "You aren't going to die." Her daughter responded, "Well, Ethan did." My friend took a minute to talk with her daughter about death because she had the opportunity. I have to admit, it made me a little sad. Not only because her daughter had known death so closely with Ethan, but because my friend got the opportunity I didn't take.
I still wish I had taken the time to have a conversation with my child. I wish I could've expressed how much I knew a loving Heavenly Father would be anxious to welcome home such a beautiful kid! I can't wait to see Ethan again and apologize for all I did wrong. (I think he's probably forgiven me already) We just do the best we can as parents.
Hunny - I did have this conversation with him a couple of times in his room before going to sleep. I only remember them happening and not exactly what was said, but I remember telling him how it didn't hurt and how cool the place is you get to go. So no worrys, he totally knew. -Marcus
ReplyDeleteWhat a beautiful team you make! Together you make the perfect parents for Ethan and the other three gifts you call children.
ReplyDeleteShortly after my Dylan passed, I remember thinking, "Did I do enough? "Was I a good enough mother?" I stared wishing I could have gone back and changed some things or did things differently.
ReplyDeleteOne day I was feeling really down on myself, when a very distinct warm and loving feeling washed over me. I felt my sweet son reassuring me that I had been the perfect mother for him while he was here on earth, and that there was nothing that I needed to feel bad about or want to change. He thanked me for being his earthly mother and for all that I had done for him.
That moment changed me forever! I know that Ethan feels the same way about you. We have perfect sons who chose us to be their earthly mothers, because they knew we could do a good job! There will always be those things we wish we could have done before they passed on. But I have learned that with Heavenly Father's help, the few short years we were able to have them with us... can be enough to last a lifetime.
Thank you for sharing. It really helps to hear it. I know --on my good days--that I was a good mom. Its just on those down days its hard to continue with the good thoughts. I know you know this too.
Delete